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Dawn's Journal

Saturday, November 20, 2010

7:21PM - Well, clearly I'm back :)

Hi everyone (if there is anyone left!)

So, I know six years ago I posted about quitting, and I did!  However, I'm back to it now.  I'm in school and broke, so last year I started working casually to help pay my bills.

I have a sad post to post, but I thought I'd post this first so anyone who is still reading will know what's up.

Monday, March 24, 2003

8:49PM - Wow...

I love this so much And here

Tuesday, February 4, 2003

7:58PM - Boo

I haven't had much internet access of late, and have been neglecting reading my friends' list and it bothers me. Damnit. However, I don't have time to catch up on it, so blerg. I'm feeling out of touch.

However, I slept for a total of 14 hours today. Yay!

Current mood: Buffybuffybuffy

Saturday, January 25, 2003


This was kinda interesting. It kinda made me maudlin for no apparent reason.

I'm fucking tired and supposed to be packing my stuff into boxes. Mmmph

Current mood: sleepy

Thursday, January 23, 2003

7:04PM - Hmph


You Are 100% Whore!

All whore! You little slut. You give whores a bad name (just kidding!).

You will nail anything if it means a new sex experience. You've had sex with almost every one you know and often travel to find new partners.

You've probably bared all online more than once and are well on your way to starring your own line of porn flicks.

You are a total sexual superstar! You are great at being on top, giving head, and doing it with the same sex.

What Do Girls Whisper Behind Your Back? Virgin or Whore Quiz Tells All!

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Wednesday, January 22, 2003

4:57PM - Ahhh, the sweet sweet sounds of... drama.

I worked last night, even though it was a Tuesday. That's how fucking broke I am (and, no, it was dead, in case anyone really cares. I am going to fucking KILL myself if I don't make money soon).

Turns out that Porscha, who has worked there for fucking years, has quit. I'm like, freaking out by then.

Well. Then I find out that her ex, who she'd just broken up with, called the owner of the studio and told her that Miss P. was the one who stole the money over the holidays. I mean, FUCK? So the owner confronts her on it and all Porscha said was 'What do I owe you?'

And then she quit. And then the owner told Angel that Porscha's been badmouthing her and everyone else in the studio. Blah, I say. BLAH.

It's just so weird. I mean, I LIKED her. Angel's flipping because they were, like, bestest buddies. Heh. And I'm worried about her and her kids. It bothers me, thinking about them not having any money.

Oh well. What can you do?

Saturday, January 18, 2003


I'm broke and it's starting to worry me.

I can't live like this. I've never EVER not made money in over a WEEK. And it's not like I'm unlucky this week or anything. Seriously, I've stayed at work until fucking three in the morning and only ONE client has come up. All. Fucking. Week. Long. One. Of course I didn't get the call, but, fuck. No-one else is making money, though apparently they're making SOME because while there haven't been, like, any calls made after ten this week, there have been during the day and just... arg.

I think this is why I'm feeling inspired to fucking go out and DO something. Because I obviously can't support myself on this. I'm basically making minumum wage and, honestly, it's not worth it. I think that when I start doing the school thing I'll go on student welfare (fuck, I love living in Canada. I love all the programs that are out there to give me a leg up, etc). It would be damn good for me.

'Cause then I could just work weekends or something. And maybe I could get a real part time job. Eeee! It's so exciting, that.

Maybe if the weather gets warmer (-20? No fucking thank you. I'm a Britsh Columbian wuss, damnit) work will pick up again.

But I won't depend on it.

I guess that's the thing. This kind of work is usless unless you're willing to put some aside and save it for the slow times. Because otherwise it's just silly. You get used to spending HUGE amounts of money, whereas if you had a real job, you'd be getting pay cheques every other week. Which in the end, I guess, is much better.

For me, at least since I suck at saving. Or, at least, when I'm getting paid in cash. If it goes into my bank account I usually don't touch the money because I'm a cheap bastard and refuse to pay bank fees.


I'm frigging tired. I should go shower now. Hopefully there will be some hot water. Brr.

Current mood: reflective

Monday, January 13, 2003

4:56AM - Hmm...

'Kiss me, I'm Polish' doesn't have much of a ring to it, does it?

Damn me for not being Irish :)

Thursday, December 19, 2002

6:20PM - Mmmmph....


You are a Total Ho!

You've got to keep out of the mall

Santa, the elves, reindeer -

You've done them all!

The Xmas Quiz: Are You a Ho Ho Ho?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

*sniffles* Am not!

Current mood: tired

Thursday, November 7, 2002


I'm happy.

Current mood: heeeeee

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

9:09PM - "Abstinence breaks more easily than a condom."

I'm amused.

I'm really really horny and I don't know why. It's like... agh, not good, the level of horniness. Especially since I got laid last night. It's not like I'm exactly missing out on sex here :)

It was good, in case anyone was wondering. I like make-up sex.

But since I hadn't gotten any for over a week and a half (due to bleeding, and then fights... arg), I was pretty desperate.

Mmmm, looking forward to the meeting of lesbians on Saturday. Not really, actually. Women make me nervous. I'm doomed to sleeping with men and being lonely for the rest of my life :)

The only woman I love is straight and has a boyfriend. Plus, I wouldn't want to date a girl in my industry. I know I'm paranoud about STDs, but I don't know if anyone else is quite that paranoid and it worries me.

I haven't found my gay man to confide in, but I did find a bisexual man who is also into BDSM (he's a switch... hmmmm) to babble to. That's always good. We talked for about four hours on Sunday.

I admit, when I first met him last month I didn't like him at all. He seemed kind of weird. But now I've spent time with him, well. He's a nice guy. I can't see myself ever sleeping with him, but he's nice.

He seemed happy to meet someone who is also into BDSM... though I'm a solid sub and can't see myself ever being dom.

He offered to cane me (since I'd expressed an interest in it and told him I'd never had the opportunity to try it out.

Um, no.

I've had enough overly intelligent 36 year olds this last year.

I'm not sure what W though of me spending hours at this guy's place. I don't think he was impressed, but I went out of my way not to give him any details because I was trying to prove that I don't force information on him.

But... he and I are happyish now. I guess. Turns out I miss heard some things. This bothers me. I don't doubt that he said exactly what he said... I'm just now thinking 'Have I always had this problem, not hearing what people say correctly?'

Oh well. It's all good.

Watched The Ring. Thought it was pretty good, though my copy of it sucked ass. Also watched some vampire movie with, like, Bon Jovi or something. Pretty dumb.

I'm afriad I might be getting a cold. I don't want to get sick. I don't have anyone to look after me *pout*

I'm almost broke. I have bills, bills, and then more bills. Arg... arg! And only 200 bucks in my bank account. Not sure if that will cover it all.

Going to have to work my ass off at work tonight.

Okay, should shower now.

Current mood: bouncy

Friday, October 18, 2002

6:49PM - How did they know?

What's your brand of sexy?

brought to you by Quizilla

Current mood: amused

Tuesday, October 15, 2002

11:03AM - Youth is beauty, money is beauty, hell, beauty is beauty sometimes ..

Have not had a very good past few days. Am, regardless, rather hyper and bouncy. Not sure why.

Got my period on Sunday, along with the (now) usual cramps and mood swings. That same day I managed to get a heavy duty cold (that or one of my many allergies was acting up in spite of my medication)... so, puffy eyes, sneezing, headachy badness. And, well... apparently got pink-eye. I don't know exactly what this is but I want it gone. It seems to be going away of it's own, which is good because I hate medication. And doctors. And paying for medication. And of course, do not yet have an Ontario health card and would never ever pay for visiting the doctor. Am way too cheap. Plus, drops of any kind are evil. I've developed a fear of them on account of the Ear Infections Of Doom, which I get every time I go swimming. There is nothing more icky then putting cold drops into one's ear and feeling it drip all the way down.

Heh. Okay. Anyway, yeah. What's new?

I'm making a website for myself finally. I've been making (rather crappy) websites for the past three years, so I think I'm going to finally get a domain n' stuff. Yay!

Halloween is coming up. This is very exciting for me. I don't know why, exactly. Actually, I do. I get to dress up! My parents didn't condone kids over 11 dressing up, so I don't actually ever remember being able to do this. Yay! And I'll get drunk so I can be all hung over for my birthday the day after. Must celebrate the last day I can drink illegally.

Err. Yeah.

Anyway, I'm thinking of dressing up like a naughty school girl. Mostly because I'm lazy and it would be cheap. Plus, I can use it at work later, too. Maybe.

Sadly, my hair isn't long enough for braids. Oh, the humanity!

I have a kilt already, so I just need a blouse and knee socks (though I'm seriously considering just wearing my fishnets - would make for an interesting look).

Maybe I should just mug one of the girls from Regie High ... heh. Okay, maybe not :P

I'm still feeling crampy. This is evil. I want chocolate but I don't. Agh, all these conflicting thoughts.

Everyone's birthday is coming up and it's evil. I'm probably just going to make C a mix CD. But I don't know what to do about L. Maybe I should just get her a case of smokes so she's not always flipping out because she's broke and smokeless... hmmm. Things to ponder.

My sister may be moving out of my parents' house. Yay for her. If she does, it means I'd have somewhere to stay when I go to Vancouver. Now that would rock :)

Not much else to say. Hyper and listening to Ani. Going to go clean apartment, as cats got really hyper and messed everything up. Truely evil.

And I'm out of smokes :)

Current mood: awake

Friday, October 11, 2002

1:39PM - Happy National Coming out day!

Hehe .. this would be the first one I've ever remembered. Because I'm a dork, dork, dork.

Anyway, yeah. No-one to come out to. Oh the humanity :P

Current mood: awake

Wednesday, October 9, 2002

9:42PM - Hehe...

I made a new icon! Not sure where the idea for it came from, but ..

I miss my Goth!Kitty. Okay, he was really more of an EmoKitty if you really had to classify him as something, but... he used to chew on my toes when I was trying to sleep :)

Must .. not.. kill .. LiveJournal.

*wails* It's not working, damnit

Current mood: amused

Monday, September 30, 2002

7:40PM - On quitting smoking...

Everyone around me is trying to quit... and I am to, so I'm going to babble about my approach to quitting. I don't know if it would work, but I've tried many times, so I've basically cobbled together a plan which I will test in a while when I get my nerve up :P

Take at least three days (the cravings get much better after three days) when you know you won't be around smokers. Smoke your Last Cigarette quickly, and remind yourself how nauseous you feel. Remember that feeling. Then rid your house of all the smokes, empty the ash trays, whatever. Take a shower (or maybe a nice long bath with some scented oils if you have a tub. Mint especially. It may seem girly, but nice-smelling baths are wonderful :), brush your teeth really well and go to bed. It's best to quit right before bed so that you slept through the initial "I need a smoke"ness. Get up in the morning, brush your teeth and EAT. Make sure you have lots of fruit and veggies in your house before hand. Don't go for heavy, unhealthy foods. You need something to do with your mouth while your trying to quit, so eat as many fruits and veggies as you want. Trust me, you WILL crave food. I find when I'm trying to quit that I phsyically *need* tomatoes. I'm a freak. Anyway, it's not a hunger thing, it's really just 'Put something in my mouth' thing. So make it salads and apples and stuff, because these aren't going to cause massive weight gain (which no-one wants... or most people don't, anyway :P), and, plus, they taste really good. Brush your teeth regularily. You want to make sure there is no nicotine taste in your mouth, or else it will make you *want* is desperately.

Find something to do. Draw, pain, write, read. Watch TV. Drink lots of water. Even coffee or tea are good as distraction methods. Go to work. Keep busy. Go out with friends only if you feel like you're in a good enough mood to hang out. I get really bitchy, so I generally try to avoid people.

My favourite quitting smoking aid (aside from food. Mmmm, food) is aromatheripy oils. Especially the mint. Get a spray bottle and mix some of the oil with water. Spray it around your house. Spray it on your feet and rub it in (mmm... minty feet). It smells to yummy and I find it stops me from craving a smoke. That may, however, be just me :-)

Whatever you do, don't dwell. If you do start dwelling, remember how awful it makes you feel. Focus on the good things. Keep busy.

Okay, I'm bored now (me = short attention span :P)

Current mood: Lalalalala

5:39PM - *Bump*... "Ow"... "Mmmmm"

That would be the sounds of me falling of the wagon last night :P

It wasn't my fault, really. The cheese, it taunted me and *made me eat it*. Uh, yeah. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Still, that was, like, a month. Pretty impressive for someone who loves and adores cheese :)

On the downside, when I was asleep, the piece of swiss cheese I ate came back from the grave and got very mad at me for eating it.

Should try not to eat right before bed :P

Current mood: cheeeeeesy

Saturday, September 28, 2002

4:15PM - "Fuck you, you fucking fuck."

Well, apparently lest night my dear and beloved city passed a bylaw that you can't smoke in public.

I mean, what the FUCK is that shit? It is now illegal to smoke outside. Oh a patio. In the park. Those stupid, stupid, anal retentive idiots. It's not like non-smokers don't have their own non-smoking areas (in fact there were very few smoking stores, restaurants or bars before this, anyway).

I'd fight this, but I'm not legally allowed to smoke, so... I'll be quiet and unobtrusive.

Fuck this, I should just move to Montreal. It's nice there :P

Current mood: Angry

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

5:37AM - Livid...

So, today when I got up my 'friend' W called and asked me to go out for breakfast with him (granted, it was in the afternoon, but for us, that is breakfast time :P). I reminded him that most places don't have much (if anything) that I can eat. He said we'd find something, so I agreed. We met at L's place, and after a lot of fucking around, going to W's place to do something, then back to L's and so on (somewhere in there we picked up T), we headed out to look for somewhere to eat. It was then about 4:30. So finally they decided to go to Morrison's (or something like that), which I figured there wouldn't be anything I could eat, but, hey, that was okay. I don't mind just having a drink and hanging out with people who's company I enjoy. It was all good. Until W decided to start ragging on me for being a vegan and telling me how annoying it is to him that he can't take me out anywhere, blah blah blah. Then L and T joined in, and I ended up sitting there, sipping my water being given shit for... what? Trying to be healthy? Living my life the way I want to? Being happy with my lifestyle choice and inconveniencing my friends by DARING to cut foods out of my diet which they consider important, making it so I can't always eat with them?

What the fuck? Where the FUCK do they get off? I told them I was happy. I've lost a little weight and am now back where I was before I moved out on my own. I feel good about myself. I'm eating more, but it's all good for me. I have energy now. I LOVE the food I eat. I'm learning to cook for my diet. I don't plan on being like this forever, or even that long (I think once I get around to joining a gym I may just become a vegetarian again, because then I can exercise and stay healthy). It's not like W even really takes me out anywhere. He has no money. I always pay for his dinners. I don't mind, he's a friend. But don't make me feel bad because I don't take you out as much. Eating out isn't healthy, anyway.

I refuse to count calories. I refuse to weigh myself. I refuse to obsess about size. I just want to be at a place where I can feel healthy and happy about myself. And the fact that two of the people telling me I'm not healthy are quite overweight just pisses me off. Look after yourself before you tell me I'm not eating well.

And I AM. That's what's annoying. I spend VERY little on food now, because I can't eat out. I cook all my meals and eat about five small meals a day (though sometimes, like last night, I eat more then I should... tummyache :P). And they're all good for me. Like salads and potatoes and tomatoes and bread with peanut butter or hummus. I make sure I get what I need. I don't drink pop. I don't eat junk food.

Then their meals came and the smell of the meat made me want to vomit. I decided that I didn't need to waste my time being yelled at and smelling smells which make me sick. I think I only crave meat when I can't actually smell it :-)

So I left and bought some veggies on my way home.

Going to have a yummy vegan dinner and try to calm down before one of them calls me. I don't want to yell at them :P

Okay, just all pissed off. I'll stop ranting.

Current mood: angry

Monday, September 23, 2002

2:08PM - Gah... gah... gaaaaaaaaaaaah...

I recently got v. angry (this happens. I blame my period :) and wrote Focus on the Family (evil, evil, cause of much torment when I was growing up). Mostly just to vent.

They replied today. GaaaaahCollapse )

Current mood: gaaaaaaaaaah

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